"So What Do You Do?"

I'm feeling a bit contemplative today...

It's getting hot in Bangalore. I've never lived anywhere that is hot in February. The days have been about the same length since December and there is no way to look out the window and gauge the days passing. And yet, according to the calendar, here it is almost March and we've been in Bangalore six months (though, in some ways it feels like 6 years).

I continue to spend my Thursdays socializing in the morning and lunching until (on some days, like today) the late afternoon. If I'm not lunching, I might be shopping or getting a pedicure but when I think about it, I've had one pedicure and one manicure in six months and since I've been back from Christmas, I've done no shopping other than for groceries. I have been trying to write (something other than a blog entry) but while it's pretty easy to blog about things that are happening here, I'm a slow writer when it comes to fiction. I'm not bored and I don't feel unfulfilled, so I guess that's what I spend most of my time doing - spending alot of time in front of the computer trying to fill blank pages with words although with little to show for it (aside from the 111 blog entries). So when I meet new people, like I did yesterday on the way to Shristi Academy, I have a hard time answering, "so what do you do here?"

I think I mentioned yesterday that these day trips seem to attract mostly the "older" OWCers which only adds to my reluctance to go. So when I arrived at the "meeting point," I was not surprised to see very few people I knew. I was surprised that there seemed to be no mini-bus to take us to the school after I had told Chandan to back and pick me up later in the afternoon (thinking I had transportation). I recognized a couple of women from Thursday mornings and they recognized me so we introduced ourselves and when I said I was from Connecticut, another woman to my left introduced herself as Maggie, from the San Fransisco Bay area. She just arrived in January and looked at me the way I remember looking at people who had been here six months or more - with part envy and part sympathy. I told her I had sent my driver away and before I could ask if she had any extra room, she offered her car. So the two Americans set off together - a fact which she thought bonded us in a very special way. "Don't Americans seem much more open than Europeans? Have you noticed that there is a German Association, a Swiss Association, a Scandinavian Society (etc., etc.) here in Bangalore? All these other countries have their own little clubs. Doesn't it seem so American that we don't have one? We can fit in wherever and are happy to do so." (I'm still trying to decide if I agree with some or any of that. Maybe tomorrow's post?) After we had exhausted the usual, where are you from, what did you do before Bangalore and what brought you to Bangalore, we got the the inevitable, "so what do you do in Bangalore?"

She easily answered with the "still settling in" line that's good for at least the first two months. I however, had a hard time "quantifying" what I do without sounding shallow, stuck up and/or totally and completely boring. I go grocery shopping, I exercise, I lunch, I read books...I make observations about the problems of Bangalore but do little to really help. All of this is true and yet, it feels like my days are much more interesting. I often feel like there is not enough time in my days to do everything I'd like. And I feel like if I remain grateful (and lucky) to be able to just have time to figure out what I like to do then I'm not really that shallow.

I told Maggie that I've been trying to take advantage of my days by writing. But as soon as you say that, people want to know what you've published or who you write for - magazines? newspapers? in India or abroad? If you don't write for someone or for a specific end, it seems it's more like keeping a journal. "Oh, I have a blog too. All my friends just love reading about our experiences. They say I need to write a book." Yesterday wasn't the first time I've heard this and it always makes me want to say, "Yeah, well...my blog is better!" But instead, I just quietly wonder if I should spend less time blogging and more time doing...something: saving the baby girls, organizing a group to clean up the polluted river down the road, giving to the poor, fighting for a "greener" Bangalore... With Maggie decidedly unimpressed by how I spend my time, instead spent most of the ride talking about all of the things she did at home (in CA) and all the things she'd like to accomplish while she's here. She just about built a special ed school in California while raising and home schooling six, brilliant and well adjusted kids. In her spare time she helped (and will continue) to help with her friends textiles business and various other crafting projects. Oh, and she was battling some terrible illness all the while. She's not sure what she wants to do in Bangalore yet but I'm sure it will include saving the world.

I'm not sure I really have a point today other than the fact that I'm not sure the shallow and superficial are really self-aware enough to realize that they shallow and superficial. Maybe I am no better than the snobby expat wives who leave their kids with their nannies while they buy things they don't need, ignore the beggars in the street like they don't exist and complain when their maids take to long to scrub their showers. Maybe touting the life of a lady of leisure is pointless and rather obnoxious. But I hope that I am getting more out of this experience than thinking I deserve any of this.

Now, please don't post any, "no, no, you are a good person" comments. While it may seem like that's what I'm looking for, I'm not. I know I can't save the world, I'm just trying to figure out what I can say I do.