The Mean Madam?

I don't like to brag or anything but I think it's fair to say that most people would consider me a nice person. In fact, I've even been told before that I am too nice - as if there is such a thing. So, it's somewhat disconcerting that now, I think I may have to accept that I am the "mean madam."

The girl maid came in today with her usual cheery hello. She started in the kitchen as she normally does with the dishes. I am now cognizant of when there are dishes to be done as when there are not, she looks at me and laughs, "you no cooking?" But she spared me today as last night I made some fajitas with delicious guacamole. The avocados are enormous here (somewhere between the size of a small melon or large mango) and sometimes called "butter fruit." I've had the hardest time figuring out when they are perfectly ripe but finally got it right.

Anyway, after finishing the dishes she was over by the countertop where I had some Chinese medicine Vivian had given us when we weren't feeling well. Lakshmi (the maid) looked at it inquisitively and asked, "Dannalako yako nolo you?" I said, "from Vivian," and pointed upstairs then pointed to my stomach and said "medicine." She understood medicine. "Ah, yes, ok, ok. Medicine." Now, when Vivian gave me the medicine, she said she has given it to Lakshmi before when she complained of being sick to the stomach. But the maid didn't seem to recognize it as something she's taken before. She just began to say, "ah yes, Madam Vivian. Very nice. Very nice. Very nice." She didn't repeat it like she sometimes does when she thinks I don't understand. This time she seemed to be repeating just to make her point clearer. So I agreed that Vivian is indeed very nice. But she seemed to go on and on about how much she likes her.

Not that all that gushing is surprising. Obviously Vivian is very nice, but I've also come to learn that she and I have very different relationships with our maids. She is the "nice madam" and while I'm probably not the "mean madam," I am certain I am either the "incomprehensible madam" or the "distant madam." Now, Lakshmi does go to Vivian's six days a week and is only here twice a week so naturally, by virtue of spending more time there, they might be friendlier. But Vivian has mentioned before (back when I didn't even know Lakshmi) that she has taken her maid and her kids out for their birthdays...just to McDonald's but still. She brought back a gift for her maid from Malaysia and sometimes Lakshmi and her kids sleep over (usually when Liam is away). Just last week while he was gone, she mentioned that Lakshmi was sleeping over. She said she doesn't really remember how it began but when Liam travels, she sleeps over. I said, "well, what about her kids?" Apparently they sometimes come too. She has a boy and a girl. Vivian said she's pretty sure her kids don't have beds because they both fell off the first time and seemed a bit frightened by the whole experience (even though they know and like the nice madam). So while she's playing house and having sleepovers with the maid, I'm trying to make sure there are enough dishes for her to wash. Very nice indeed.

Vivian also told George and I a story about how she and Liam received a call one night from "the police" looking for Lakshmi. They insisted that she was not there and Lakshmi was their maid and did not live there. But the man on the phone persisted and kept calling. He said they needed to find her, immediately. This went on for a good half hour before Vivian and Liam finally got a hold of Lakshmi and said that they are getting harrassed by the police and she better explain. She showed up a few minutes later and said that it wasn't really the police calling but a cousin or some other relative calling. I guess Lakshmi let him borrow money but he wasn't paying her back. So either she or her husband was trying to get it back and the relative was trying to bully her so he wouldn't have to pay it back. Lakshmi said that her husband and a group of men were going to the relatives house to "straighten it out" (Read: beat him up until he paid up). Vivian says, "the strangest part of the story is that after Lakshmi's husband and friends beat the guy up, they all went out drinking together and everything is supposedly fine." We all agreed there must have been more to the story but the fact that she got all that, was impressive enough to me (who can't seem to get her to understand not to open the bathroom window because there is no screen and the bugs come in).

I also know that Lakshmi keeps her money at Vivian's place because according to Vivian, her husband steals it from her. So the fact that she let's Lakshmi use her bed, gives her medicine when she's ill, buys her gifts, buys her kids gifts and provides a "safe house" for her, I'm sure puts Vivian up there as a very, very, very nice Madam.

The fact that not only have I done none of those things but also cannot understand a word she says, nor get her to understand a word I say leaving me more apt to just let her do her thing quietly, puts me not at the top of the very nice madam list. I am ok with this. But today, I think I put myself on a new list. I had received some lovely drawings from my niece Carolyn that were sitting on the table. Lakshmi saw them and started asking me about them. Long story short, I think she thinks I have kids but they live in the US while I live here. I tried to explain that they are from my sister's kids and were sent to me but I swear she thinks MY kids sent them to me. When she picked them up, I said, "from my niece."
"Baby?"
"Yes, sister's baby."
"Your baby?"
"My sister's."
"You baby?"
"No, my sisters."
"No?" She looked confused, clearly the pictures were done by a child. "You baby."
"Yes, a baby. But not MY baby." How to convey the word sister in a gesture?
"You baby come here???" She looked utterly confused.
I showed her the envelop and she nodded and looked like she finally understood at least, that the drawings were sent. "You baby very nice." She was pointing at the pictures. We then talked about how nice and colorful the drawings were. She went back to sweeping.

So now, I am the madam that cooks sporadically, only has a maid come twice a week (she doesn't know about the maid boy), does not buy her any gifts but does give her things I'm going to throw away anyway, (I gave her a carton of juice and chips we decided we didn't like), does not even know when Lakshmi is sick, let alone gets her medicine, and has children she's left halfway across the world with God knows who. I don't know if that makes me "mean" but it certain makes me not Vivian.

Perhaps Hallmark makes a Valentine's Day card for hired help?