I'm not proud of what I'm about to tell you but in the interest of being honest, I must confess, I watch Good Morning America. Not everyday, of course, I'm a teacher. I have to work for a whole 9.5 months a year. And then in the summer I like to go for a run in the mornings. But I don’t run everyday and I’m not running for two hours these days so there it is. I watch GMA. I have convinced myself it’s better than the Today show. It’s Al Rocker and Diane Sawyer. Al is unwatchable and Diane, I like to think, is a real journalist. But really, the more I watch, the more I am disappointed that she smiles and nods through all the drivel. My shame in tuning in stems from a smattering of the following stories covered this week:
"Revealing Look at JFK, Jr." – JFK, Jr.’s personal assistant visited the set because while she has never before discussed him, she now feels compelled to break her silence about the deified figure. But first:
"The Bachelorette" Sneak Peek – Ed or Kipton? Who will Ms. Bachelorette choose? Five minutes eaten up with more endless questions and clips designed to intrigue. I don't watch it. I'm not going to watch now that I've seen the teaser. And because it airs on ABC, there was a follow up story the next day about she and the triumphant suitor who are preparing for happily ever after – and if their lucky, will be living the dream with more cameras to document for all the world to watch and criticize. If they play their cards right.
After a few minutes out on the streets of NYC talking to some tweens about the weather and perhaps a local news break (almost as equally useless), we’re back to JFK, Jr.
This five minute segment consisted of four minutes talking about the legend of the doomed son of Camelot and one minute talking about a program he started called “Reaching Up” which is celebrating it’s 20th Anniversary. The program was an effort to provide quality health care to those who do not have it and what with Big O’s new health care reform, isn’t this the perfect time for said assistant to reveal the intimate details about her time with John Jr. He’d be so proud.
Next we have, "Beauty Secrets on a Budget" – In this useless segment, GMA’s own make-up assistant, looking a bit rough around the edges proceeded to talk about foundation on the face of a white women, eye shadow on the face of the Asian woman, and lipstick on the face of the African-American. Essentially, she read the label of a drugstore product and mentioned two or three other moderately priced products. But didn’t everyone laugh at the universal truth that you walk into a drugstore needed one thing and walk out with 20 things you didn't know you needed.
"Should You Work for Free?" – 5 minutes hearing about how more and more people are taking “adult internships.” Some executive producer somewhere must have decreed: “In this depressed economy, 80% of your stories should revolve around “getting people through these tough times.” The other 20% apparently should revolve around celebrities – living or dead.”
Every morning now for a month, at least one segment has to do with the late, great, MJ. More segments wasted on endless speculation.
"Can Certain Foods Arouse Your Brain" – I couldn’t even stay to watch this one. It was time to run.
What I find most amusing, is how each of the anchors can discuss these issues with the utmost seriousness. They all speak with the classic news anchor intonation and they always end with, “you can read more on our website.” How many more times can we ask who the bachelorette will choose?
There website is under the broad category of ABC News. But my point is, and I do have a point, is any of this news? Is any of the 24 hour coverage of breaking news stories, really news? Andy Rooney said that Walter Cronkite wasn't so sure that 24 hour news was a good thing. I think I agree. We should be well informed. We should know what is happening in our world. We should want to know. But instead of news we get, headlines about the beer Obama drinks and what was in Michael Jackson’s closet before he died (clothes).
In an article published by the US Department of State, author Deborah Potter says, "News is what is new; it’s what’s happening. Look it up in the dictionary, and you’ll find news described as 'a report of recent events or previously unknown information.'”
I have witnessed lots of events recently that have been previously unknown. I witnessed a mangy looking fox creep frighteningly close to me while I was relaxing by the pool. The fact that foxes could wander so close to civilization and be equally frightened by me was previously unknown to me. I witnessed throngs of people clog the aisles of Walmart, in the middle of a rainy summer day. Using Walmart as a place of entertainment for your antsy kids on a rainy day was also previously unknown to me. But I don't think either of these events really qualifies as "news." And this is the problem as I see it. With Twitter, cable TV and those know-it-all bloggers, everything is technically news. Who am I to say “certain foods can arouse your brain” is not news?
To help navigate through the "foxes in the backyard" vs. "Obama on health care" news, people have tried to classify news as "hard" or "soft" - there are news magazines, there are infotainment shows. I suppose I should take GMA for what it is. Information. Not news. Not soft news. Just arguably useless information. So why do I continue to watch? Because I am holding out hope for the segment titled, “How to tell if that foul smell is coming from vermin that has died under your pool shed.” Now then, I’d log on to the website.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Remembering the Dearly Departed
Perhaps it's been the long respite from BIB (Balling in Bethel) or perhaps people are just too busy. Or maybe Bethel and all it's jungle-like glory. But I'm afraid I'm down to a readership of one. But that's not why we write, right? So today, I fight through writer's block with a bright and sunny, summery topic - death.
It's seems as though the top summer '09 stories are death: Farrah Fawcett, Steve McNair, Robert McNamara, Ed McMahon, Walter Cronkite, Frank McCourt, and there's one other guy but I'm forgetting who. Hmmm. I wanna say like a singer or dancer or something. And that's only 7 and we all know deaths come in 3s so there must be at least 2 others.
So, in this Summer of Death, it's only fitting that BIB pays tribute.
To Farrah: May you rest in peace knowing you inspired millions of tween, teenager, twenty somethings and mothers to not only feather their hair, but also to have the courage to pore gasoline over their lying, cheating boyfriends and husbands when all else fails. With your super cool karate moves, your freedom to hang loose, and your pearly white smile, you truly were an angel.
To Steve: I mean no disrespect here, but what were you thinking? Despite your infidelity, no one deserves to die like that. So, may you rest in peace knowing you have given millions of scumbags the valuable lesson to not cheat on your wife - especially with a 20 year old who is still trying to figure out love.
To Robert: You were quite candid in the Fog of War admitting mistakes were made regarding that whole Vietnam fiasco. May you rest in peace knowing you have cleared your conscience and it is now up to our current world leaders will use your lessons wisely. But why, why, why couldn't you tell us who killed JFK. You have left us with this only Oliver Stone and countless other conspiracy theorists to pontificate about this mystery.
To Ed: There was Johnny Carson and Dick Clark, bit parts in sub-par movies, and according to Entertainment Weekly, one of the greatest sidekicks but to so many of us, it is those oversized checks that we will associate with your memory. For the optimists among us, it was the promise of a better life, for the pessimists among us, it was a constant reminder of how unlucky we are. May you rest in peace knowing that if nothing else, you kept thousands of magazines in circulation.
To Walter: As the most trusted man in America, you made us a better informed society. You lived an extraordinary life witnessing hundreds of monumental events. May you rest in peace knowing that whatever becomes of the news, you are the epitome of honest, informed, professional reporting. A true legend.
To Frank: I now have Angela's Ashes on my list of books to read. (And, if my recent trip to the Bethel Public Library is any indication, so do hundreds of others. May you rest in peace knowing your memoirs will speak for themselves.
And finally, to Michael: You were odd. You were mysterious. You may have been a child molester. You were a smooth criminal. You were not Billie Jean's lover. May you, King of Pop, finally, once and for all, rest in peace.
It's seems as though the top summer '09 stories are death: Farrah Fawcett, Steve McNair, Robert McNamara, Ed McMahon, Walter Cronkite, Frank McCourt, and there's one other guy but I'm forgetting who. Hmmm. I wanna say like a singer or dancer or something. And that's only 7 and we all know deaths come in 3s so there must be at least 2 others.
So, in this Summer of Death, it's only fitting that BIB pays tribute.
To Farrah: May you rest in peace knowing you inspired millions of tween, teenager, twenty somethings and mothers to not only feather their hair, but also to have the courage to pore gasoline over their lying, cheating boyfriends and husbands when all else fails. With your super cool karate moves, your freedom to hang loose, and your pearly white smile, you truly were an angel.
To Steve: I mean no disrespect here, but what were you thinking? Despite your infidelity, no one deserves to die like that. So, may you rest in peace knowing you have given millions of scumbags the valuable lesson to not cheat on your wife - especially with a 20 year old who is still trying to figure out love.
To Robert: You were quite candid in the Fog of War admitting mistakes were made regarding that whole Vietnam fiasco. May you rest in peace knowing you have cleared your conscience and it is now up to our current world leaders will use your lessons wisely. But why, why, why couldn't you tell us who killed JFK. You have left us with this only Oliver Stone and countless other conspiracy theorists to pontificate about this mystery.
To Ed: There was Johnny Carson and Dick Clark, bit parts in sub-par movies, and according to Entertainment Weekly, one of the greatest sidekicks but to so many of us, it is those oversized checks that we will associate with your memory. For the optimists among us, it was the promise of a better life, for the pessimists among us, it was a constant reminder of how unlucky we are. May you rest in peace knowing that if nothing else, you kept thousands of magazines in circulation.
To Walter: As the most trusted man in America, you made us a better informed society. You lived an extraordinary life witnessing hundreds of monumental events. May you rest in peace knowing that whatever becomes of the news, you are the epitome of honest, informed, professional reporting. A true legend.
To Frank: I now have Angela's Ashes on my list of books to read. (And, if my recent trip to the Bethel Public Library is any indication, so do hundreds of others. May you rest in peace knowing your memoirs will speak for themselves.
And finally, to Michael: You were odd. You were mysterious. You may have been a child molester. You were a smooth criminal. You were not Billie Jean's lover. May you, King of Pop, finally, once and for all, rest in peace.
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